PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
