i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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