just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
