Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
