We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
