Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I want her autograph on my taint
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
