How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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