Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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