Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
