There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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