Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
