You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
