Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
