Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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