Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
