whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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