i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
