You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
