morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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