Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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