I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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