Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
