Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
