I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
