Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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