fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize