Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
