why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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