It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
