no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i out mim tonsoeep
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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