I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF