i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??