I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"