dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
