You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you