You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster