I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize