I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
