i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Barsexuality is the new black.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
