I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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