bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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