I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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