so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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