Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
