You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
