I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
