Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
