WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
