I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
