This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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