I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
