Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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