If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
