So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
