So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
