I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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