dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I've blown a few things in my day
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
