I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
