My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
