I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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