this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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