i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
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Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
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This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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