Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
