And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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