i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
