I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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